Posted by: Sleepbot ZZ 0.94 | 2008/11/10

No Job, Day One : bumpy!

no, i don’t expect to post a Daily Diary of this experience :) but this is a necessary theraputic dump, for my own personal posterity

the Back Story:  i quit my job, with 4 weeks notice, because i’d decided that i wanted to work on a personal project.  today is my first day in that New Reality…

and sure enough, it’s being all i imagined it would:

  • i’m anxious as all hell. I-Don’t-Have-A-Job. i didn’t make any money today. Everyone-Else has made money and advanced their careers. but not me. yes, this is a Story i’ve been told and am continuing to tell myself, but it’s tried & true & strongly resonant to someone like me with a strong work ethic
  • i’m all ache-y. last week in SF was electric, what with the Barack Obama victory and the unwelcome passing of Prop 8. and this all followed on from a three-day Halloweeny bender. moreover, i’m rehearsing for two different shows in December at The Dark Room. and much much more. the sum and total of this has taken its toll on the musculature around my chest & back. Heart Center stuff, ya know. always a trip in times of transition for those of us still working on our body-mind balance
  • i’m under-motivated. moving slow. being quite unproductive. basically, i’ve ended up taking a Mental Health day. sure, i had so many grand expectations of myself, but it became pretty clear to me (considering all of the above) that, as much as i wanted to, i wasn’t going to get half of Rome built today
  • i’m receiving immense support. family, friends, etc. and one of my errands today allowed me to bump into a pal who had some good sane advice, and if nothing else, projected a big smile and a demeanor of confidence in his own free-structure employment world

and sure, it’s the same old story. this is all transitional, and will pass. but like anything else, it feels thick and intense in the moment

i wish i had some sane advice to offer to others in summary, but this is new & scary territory for me. some day yes, i’m sure i will be a reassuring mentor to someone experiencing this for the first time in their own life, but in the meanwhile i have to be more on the take

peace, y’all. and to myself

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